When you feel dumb
and know you can't pass
your brain's gone numb
you've dropped your last class
your prof's berating, stating
there's no chance of graduating
physics you're cramming and
Newton you're damning and
MIT's ramming your ass
your sex life ain't great
at best it is calm
your last hot date
was with your right palm (clean alternative: was your junior prom)
well don't forget that
though you think your
life's under a curse
Yes! It could be much worse...

You could be bit by rabid fleas
lopped off at the knees
get a gross disease in your tummy
bumped upside the head
jumped on 'till you're dead
shot all full of lead by a dean
eat worms until you're sick
turtle-wax your dick
have a seat & stick where it's gummy
get slapped by a haddock
and stabbed through the spleen
you could have bunnions on your feet
warts upon your seat
be the G.M. fleet crash-test dummy
get hit by tree
get splenectomied
go and take a pee with Chuck Vest
get reamed by your landlord
and hung with a lamp cord
though terse, it could be much worse...

(both together, faster)
Yes! It could be much --
get carted off inside a hearse
Yes! It could be much --
have to sing this unrehearsed
Yes! It could be much --
there could be another verse!
Yes! It could be much worse!